You Need These Four Vibrators In Your Life
By Landon Funk
Come on and get those sweet vibrations, y’all. I recently reached out to Sweet Vibrations to see if they had any interest in partnering with Funky Feminist. As one of the most famous boutique sex toy companies in the world, I knew it was a long shot. I knew it until it wasn’t. I received an email from someone on their marketing team asking for a phone call with me. I was floored. Overwhelmed. Enamored. To me, this was like getting a phone call with King Princess or Kristen Stewart, and I was fangirling….hard (pun very much intended).
The phone call went well, and Sweet Vibrations sent me some vibrators to try out. All of them were designed by their team and made especially for their clientele. I didn’t want to write an article that talked about the toys generally, giving you information that you probably don’t need – like what percentage of silicone a certain toy has in it. So instead, I am going to rank the toys I received from my favorite to least (although you shouldn’t discount number 4 because it is still as Lizzo would say “Good as Hell.”). You ready?
1. The Perfect Match
Described as a “silky soft and flexible ‘rabbit’ vibrator with dual motors,” this bad girl lived up to her hype. The first time I took her out of the box, I was shocked at how amazing she felt against my skin and how eager I was to get to pleasuring myself with her. I usually penetration does not do it for me, but I was immediately intrigued by it’s rabbit shape and the fact that it had two separate vibrators inside the device – one for your G-spot and one for your clitoris. After insertion, the smaller part of The Perfect Match vibrates on top of your vulva and clit for double the stimulation. If you like to have penetrative sex while someone is fingering you or while someone else is eating you out, this is “the Perfect Match” for you.
I am a sucker for a play on words, and my friends would tell you that nothing makes me laugh harder than a good pun. When I opened tuLips to find the vaginal shaped egg with what appeared to be two lips, I couldn’t help but laugh. The pun was too good. My laughing turned into moaning after I started to use it to masturbate to my queen Riley Reid. It’s curved oval shape nestled perfectly in my vagina as the lips pressed against my vulva. What is really special about this vibrator is that it has a hard ball right in the center of the two lips. That ball can be placed anywhere you like, but you should take it from me and use it to stimulate the head of your clitoris – OH MY GOD, you will be so happy you did so.
3. Girl’s Best Friend
So bear with me on this one. I had never used a sucking vibrator before, and I was very confused about how it was going to work. I had seen them in stores and on my friends’ social media pages, but I had never tried one out myself. Don’t let this gal’s low-ranking fool you though. I quickly got a grip on the situation (Geez Louise, I seriously cant stop with these puns.) and figured out how to make my experience with Girl’s Best Friend an absolutely wonderful one. Other than being initially intimidated by the product, she was easy to use and very ability friendly. With A curved and thick base to hold onto, people of any age can use this vibrator, helping it to stand apart amongst the rest. The only downside to this sweet chickadee is that there is little you can do creatively with it. Once you secure the suction on top of the head of your clitoris, you are good to go. Yes, you can alter the vibrations and such but for the most part it has one function: to suck your clit just as good as – or better than if we are really being honest here - any of your partners would.
Pixie is all about pressure and when to apply it. I like to think of her as a little beetle, ready to use its antennae to make you feel oh-so-good. Usually, I do not like to incorporate vibrators into sex with my partner. I don’t know, but it just feels slightly inauthentic for some reason. However, I do and did like using Pixie with my partner because it gave him some control over what I was feeling. He would use pixie to tease and to get my heart rate pumping. He also used it as a secondary tool to his tongue once when he was eating me out. So, while I did not enjoy pixie as much solo as I do with a partner, it is still worth the try. And bonus points: this lil gal is pretty gender neutral so regardless of how you identify, she will work for you!