Why Is Saying Goodbye So Hard?

By Hellen Akinyi


How do you feel about that? How I feel about that? How do we feel about that?

Just the thought of having to let anyone go, hurts me. Literally. The thought kills me. 

In short, I’m not so good with goodbyes. As much as change is inevitable especially with toxicity, goodbyes suck!

Saying goodbye has to be one of the hardest things to ever exist according to my own perspective, I hate goodbyes.


Relationships end, either romantic ones or just platonic, they do, come on let’s face it. We get to a point where we feel the need to cut off a particular person for being too “toxic” to tolerate or reasons known to self, or just things don’t go the way we want. Because sometimes the connection just stops and no matter how hard we try, we can’t get it to go back to the way it was, or even try to rebuild it.

Saying goodbye is more of a mentally and emotionally than physically action, Yeah? Hmm. Because you feel like detaching emotionally is hard, but it’s needed before doing it physically, just to clear the memories so when you decide to leave you’ll be in a good space to either start over with a new relationship or just a personal one.

I have personally had to say goodbye so many times especially as I got older and became more aware of my toxic traits too and actually detaching to so many people in my life that I could bet they were meant to stay forever and I always break apart, to so many pieces with the fact that the something so beautiful and that meant so much to me has come, and now I have to let go and forget that it was actually a part of me.

Relatives and friends move to new places, we stay behind or move with them, depending with our goal at a particular moment, I know, and we always brace ourselves to be ready to let go. We throw parties or have small intimate family/friends gathering and wish our loved ones well, that’s easy right? No.

We grow up, we change, we maybe feel like we can’t have a certain person in our lives anymore hence the need to cut them off, personally that had to be one of the biggest lessons I learnt so far this year, that’s hard? Yes.

Being the person that I am, and knowing how hard it is for me to actually let my guard down and get emotionally attached to anyone makes it even way hard for me to say goodbye. I know a few can relate with how “selfish” we may come out as because we don’t let people in.

People forget that for anyone to let you in, they are literally trusting you with a piece of them, and for me, being vulnerable is honestly one of the worst things ever, to let my guard down and allow anyone to hurt me is just so hard, and that’s why I build mentally walls to protect my little soft self from breaking down.

We lose loved ones, I mean we are human and we won’t live forever, that’s a fact, and it doesn’t matter what you believe in or who you want to put your faith it, what we know is that at some point we will eventually become lifeless. Not breathing.


Wow. I deal with loss, in the aspect of final goodbye in a really different way, and so many of us handle emotional goodbyes differently and just because how we do it differs doesn’t mean it’s not okay, trust me it is.


For me, before it used to be, with death came a lot of fear, and sadness, with the sense that this particular person will never come back, (trust me I still feel the same way) but I don’t see it as a goodbye forever, but more of goodbye, I’ll see you soon. 

Meaning whoever has passed on isn’t dead to me, and I’m not saying goodbye to get them out of my life, or mourn then and be sad for so long but I’m saying goodbye because they are taking a long vacation that I have no idea when it’ll end but as soon as I get to see them, we will share and cherish the moments. 

Insane? Or just a way of dealing with goodbyes in a more positive way especially with death.

Trying to have a positive outlook to difficult situations makes it seem a little bit less hard, and allows us to go through the different stages like a butterfly until we glow.

Trust the process, let go and let God.

Love and light.

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