I Never Thought I Was Good Enough

By Leslie Dawe

First of all, I’d like to say I missed this. I gave this up for something that I couldn’t control. I was repeatedly told that I wasn’t good enough, my heart was broken and I had lost all motivation to get up and do things. I want to be clear this is not a sob story for my life, but rather it should be taken as words of encouragement. Things will always get better, and if you need anyone to talk to you, you can search me up on Facebook and message me, I’ll get back to you as soon as I can because I know how it feels.

So, I disappeared from writing because words damaged me. I was called awful things because of what I believed in. Because I wrote for this blog, and I gave up. I actually stopped writing, I stopped doing things I loved like singing, art, and even photography. Things that I loved more than anything else, my creativity was drained. I tried to get back on track, but I couldn’t keep up with my life anymore.

I remember laying on my bed crying for hours, my phone ringing constantly. I never answered. I avoided people that care about me, I avoided emails, texts, any comfort because apparently I wanted to drown myself in my own sorrow.

So after all of this, one person called me and I answered. She told me that to her and to many other people that know me think of me as an inspiration. I hadn’t ever heard something like that before, not once. As she continued, I listened to her say words like “beautiful” and “confident”. She said that I am an inspiration to everyone I talk to, but I had never thought that before. Those inspirational words started to get back on track, they helped me realize that I was good enough.

In the moment, I remember asking myself how I did that... to be an, “inspiration” and such. I was in doubt. But then, I repeated those words to some of my other friends and they agreed with the statement. I was absolutely dumbfounded.

 Photo by Leslie Dawe

Photo by Leslie Dawe

There is so much you don’t know about yourself. You don’t know that you inspired someone. You don’t know that you helped someone get better. You don’t even know that you are someone that helped others. People don’t tell you exactly how they feel about you until you begin to give up. When you can’t give anymore they finally way that you are an amazing person and that they care about you. They don’t realize that those words can help build you up especially when you need it the most. Just remember that there’s a lot that people don’t tell you about how they feel about you.

Since going through the pain I went through, I have found that photography and the words of my friends brought me back. I started feeling like I was good enough again. I found someone who cares about me for me. While I see my flaws, all he has seen is ME. He doesn’t make me feel awful for being a feminist.

Not everyone will see this as a big deal, but to me it is. Words find a way to scar themselves into our skin. Both good and bad. They build us to be better either way. They can drag us down but they can also build us higher.

 

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