Vaginismus Is Debilitating, But It Doesn't Have To Be
By Landon Funk
It is okay to be scared. It is okay to tense up. It is okay for you to not want to move forward with something you previously wanted to do. Staying true to your wants and needs is essential to live a healthy lifestyle, but I often find that believing in our authenticity is extremely hard to do. We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or feel indebted to that person because they did something nice for us previously. I know it is hard to do, but we must start practicing self-worth by sticking up for ourselves when we feel uncomfortable.
I have vaginismus (thanks Abby Lee for writing this bomb article that helped me understand my issue), and I used to feel like I had to appease my partner and “push through” the pain literally and figuratively. For those of you who do not know what vaginismus is, it is when your vagina tightens and doesn’t allow penetration from anything. It does this to protect you and usually comes about after sexual assaults, but it can really come from anything. I also want to add that it is also common to see vaginismus appear at your gynecologist’s office. When they insert the scepter to do an exam, vaginismus can kick in. And that’s okay.
Unfortunately, this is a really common problem, but you can work through it with therapy or a plan specifically designed for your lifestyle (see we are valuing our wants and needs). While I have not gone through therapy for this specific issue, I can speak to designing a plan. I am a super into essential oils, breathing, etc. fan and have found that smelling lavender oil or taking CBD oil can help you ease your vaginismus during times when you are at your gyno’s or having sex with your partner.
I would also be remiss if I did not mention how supportive my friends, family, and partner have been with this issue since I was told that this is what is going on in my body. While you might not have as broad a support system as I do, you at least have me and the Funky Feminist team – and that counts for a hell of a whole lot. If you feel alone and want to talk about this issue with someone, please reach out! We want to talk to you and support you. At the end of the day, Funky Feminist is about empowering you to be the best and most authentic you that you could possibly be. Speaking up about your vaginismus, even if it is only to one person you have never met in real life, can be incredibly beneficial to your overall mental health.
There is no point in suffering and pushing through. You are not alone.