Would You Date Yourself?

by Jeff Tarver

“Close your eyes and imagine the best version of you possible. That’s who you really are. Let go of any part of you that doesn’t believe it.” – C. Assad

We look for the perfect significant other. We long for a sense of unexplainable presence and dependability. So often, however, these connections proceed in being a one-way street. It is the typical relationship seen on TV and the reason for eventual “dullness” in many relationships today. There is one partner giving more than the other, and there is an expectation that one gives of themselves for the benefit of the other. It is the idea of a “prince charming” except in this story, snow white never wakes, but takes everything from Prince Charming, enjoying the kiss, but never waking to love him in return. Today, it is a mentality of love hidden through complacency, a short text, or a “raincheck”. There are no letters, there are no ventures to new places, but there is instead a blockade of the couple's image and which couple is cuter for the next big Instagram post or release.

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One quote I heard not long ago was the soul aching personal question of “Would you date yourself?” My answer was a sudden “no”. After this, I began to think about this question further, I realized more and more the need for positive changes in my life. This question didn’t only challenge me to wonder, but it challenged me to look face to face with the darkest corners and hidden secrets I’d never looked at before. I was afraid to look at myself. I only looked at the flaws in others.

I chose not to look at these corners of my innermost demons because of pride and a sense of what I deserved rather than what my significant other deserved equally. My own self-poison had been covered by a façade of perfection and irresponsible expectations for, in my case, the man of my dreams.

When we delve further, gazing into the mirror of self-examination without hatred of ourselves, but instead with a genuine transparency – we open ourselves to be free to develop the person we have dreamed of being, the person we know we can be. It is a simple process of releasing ego and allowing life to be, to teach us, and grow into love and the good within each of us.  

Communication, compassion, and empathy were themes rooting my last article , “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” Throughout this theme, we admit that we are laden with shadows that intentionally hide our flaws, we can move striving for equal communication, compassion, and empathy in our relationships. We can hope that the slate of the past can be enlightened through genuine soul-searching. Through doing this, we may obtain love on both sides and a joined road going in the same direction, instead of one way. In this, we must show compassion for the significant other, a willingness to be present in the moment, and an accountability to ourselves and view towards each individual we encounter to spread this love and positivity.

It isn’t just a matter of relationship, but a reality of living in the world.

This realization isn’t to hate ourselves, but to love our self fully. It is to see the good we are capable of and unleashing our self to be healed and loved. In these moments, don’t hold on to judgment, but realize your potential and deserved love in life. Once we look at this, the shadows can begin clearing. The light can begin to enter ourselves and the love for our self can slowly peel away the areas we realize are in need of change. Remember that we are never stuck. We are simply learning through the process of life, together, in communication, transparency, and empathy. We can let down our guard and embrace the one we love, the friends surrounding us, and the journey we are each on in this life.

You are not alone. Your potential is endless. You are able to have the relationship that you dream of, and in the process, you can find the realization and knowledge that you are the author of your destiny. Never lose faith.